Day 49 - 7 Weeks

Today was a fun but difficult day.  Little Monster & I went to lunch with a friend and had a lot of fun.  Sushi was delicious and the company was great.  Afterwards I was going to go home and enjoy my sushi-coma, but instead Little Monster & I took a trip to the fabric store.  I needed some more yarn for the blanket I’m working on and he wanted me to buy fabric so we could make his daddy a quilt.  I thought that was perfectly sweet of him.  But he was being silly and wanted to put together a bunch of obviously girly fabrics (he giggled at every suggestion of the kind).  Instead we ended up with some very bright fabrics that we felt represented Mr. B.  I am excited to get to work on the project.  Little Monster said he wants to be the one to put it in the box to ship.  He also colored a lot of pictures tonight to send and I thought it might be fun to have one made into a puzzle for him to send off, he loved that idea and made one just for a puzzle.

I was disappointed to discover that the color of yarn I started the blanket with is no longer available…so I have to do it half and half.  That lovely teal color and white.  I’m a little disappointed, but I think I may make it extra long and add a third color just to balance it out.  I haven’t decided yet (but if I do that I’m taking out some rows of the teal).  I need to measure it out and see how big it will end up if I don’t pull any rows.  I thought I’d be able to get the same color, but that hasn’t worked out.  Maybe I’ll just put the white on either end and have the teal in the middle?  That could work.  I actually like that idea  now that I’m thinking of it.

Day 48

After 12 days off it’s hard to get back in the habit of writing every day.

Today I had to write a paper for Psychology accessing my “self-concept” and addressing any discrepancies between my actual self, my ideal self, and my ought self.  It was very uncomfortable and now I feel a little depressed about the discrepancies.  I’ll have to delve into that deeper in the next few weeks and determine if my ideal and my ought self are even realistic goals and if so, what I need to do to change into my ideal/ought self. 

Blah.

My homework is done for the week…I usually take the weekend off, but since I missed the first few days this week because of illness I feel obligated to play catch up.  I’m not sure if I’m going to do homework or knit and veg out watching Ponyo with Little Monster.  Hmmm.  I guess since my goal is to get started on the next week’s homework ahead of time I can let it slide.  I don’t have to be “ahead” right now, though it does feel good when I am; I can save that for next week when I don’t have a lot of other obligations and if I do anything aside from spending time with LM this weekend it will be to clean house!

Day 45

A lot has happened in the last 12 days.  Little Monster & I took a long trek cross country for a mini-vacation (we were gone for 7 days, but 3 of those were in the car…is it still considered a “mini” vacation?).  Last Monday we left the city about 5 am and arrived at a Seattle hotel around 8:30 Monday night.  About 1:30 am I heard a knock on the door and I immediately jumped out of bed, looked through the key hole before opening the door to Mr. B & DB (DB’s girlfriend Melvin drove with me).  After 36 days it was sure good to feel Mr. B’s arms around me and give him a great big kiss while he held me tight.  Little Monster was sleeping.  We set up a space for the three of us on the floor (since it was actually DB and Melvin’s room) and it was the sweetest thing to here Little Monster first thing in the morning “Daddy!”  After we got our morning cuddles in we had to explain that daddy wasn’t ours for good yet, just for a few days to spend with us before he’s gone a long time.

I’m not going to go into specifics of everything we did on our trip…but we did do and see a lot.  Little Monster got to take his first ferry ride on the Puget Sound (at night, it was amazing!), we got to spend some time with some of Mr. B’s family, a good friend, and spent a few days with my sister and her family.  We had a nice (mostly) relaxing time together.

It was hard to say goodbye when the time came.  Little Monster stayed with my sister because he didn’t want to go drop his daddy off.  I can understand not wanting a goodbye to be long and drawn out.  When I hugged Mr. B goodbye I didn’t want to let go.  When I dropped him off for his deployment originally it wasn’t so bad…I guess it feels more real now.  I didn’t cry.  I couldn’t cry.  Tears wouldn’t come even if I wanted them to.  But I didn’t want to let go.

The drive home was long.  I am sick (my sister warned me she was sick, but I really wanted to spend time with her and I’m glad I did even if it meant I got sick) and I think being sick make the drive home all that much worse.  I just wanted to be home and in bed right then and there.  I had to stop several times to take a nap so that I wouldn’t drive off the road.  But…we made it home, in one piece.

Little Monster is in much better spirits this week.  He got to spend some good time with his dad. 

I have been recovering from the trip and from my illness since getting back home…it is SO nice to sleep in my own bed again.

Day 33

It’s been a hard week.  I am planning to have a great weekend with Little Monster.

Day 32

Little Monster felt better today, mostly.  He went to school, and didn’t eat much of the lunch I packed for him.  He also didn’t eat much dinner.  I know his tummy is still recovering, so I’m not going to push it, but I made sure he had a lot to drink.

Today we got a package from my parents.  Little Monster was so excited to get some goodies. My mom also tucked a book in for me, so I was pretty excited by that too (I need to unpack all of my books!).  

Today Little Monster wrote me a Valentine and it’s up on the fridge.  This is probably one of the best Valentine’s I’ve ever received (the other being when his dad gave me my wedding ring on our first Valentine’s Day together)! 

I am frustrated with my Psychology class.  My professor still hasn’t released the assignments for next week, I wrote her Monday and told her that I wanted to be able to complete my assignments early to get a week ahead…aside from her initial “I’ll do what I can” response, I haven’t heard from her.  It is very frustrating.  You would think that professors would be cooperative when students want to be on top of things.  This is the first online class I’ve taken where we were not able to view all the semester assignments at the beginning of the semester.  I would have taken the class from someone else if I had known it would be this way.  I spent all day getting ready for next week’s assignments and I can’t even complete them.  Bleh.  Right now it feels that this was a complete waste of time, but I know that it’s good I’ve already got done what I can.

So…I’m off to bed now.  My brain is sleepy from all that Psychology.

Day 31

Today is a prime number day!  You can laugh at me for being nerdy, I am comfortable with my nerdiness.  I know yesterday was the first day I commented on the actual number…but I really love prime numbers.  I know that seems odd, especially if you know me and know that my favorite numbers are not prime numbers.  But I want to know…what is the largest prime number?  I searched online.  The largest prime number is 2^43112609-1.  Do you know what that means?  The number is 12,978,189 digits long.

Now that I’m done being nerdy.  Nothing went the way I planned today.  Little Monster was sick and stayed home from school.  So I canceled all my appointments for the day.  Is it bad to admit that I was relieved to cancel everything?  We didn’t get out of bed until 11-ish and then Little Monster wrapped up in his bed spread and spent the day laying on the floor in the sun watching cartoons and I worked on my homework.

We were able to Skype with Mr. B again tonight and he read “Just Me and My Dad” over video chat.  We love the video he sent, but Little Monster liked being able to talk to his dad when the book was finished.

Little Monster was feeling better at bedtime, but now my stomach is “bubbly” (as he says).  I’m going to lay back in my recliner and watch a movie…my writing assignment this week is to watch a movie and evaluate the stress of the main character.  So now I just have to decide what movie to watch.


*edit:  Here is a quote that my friend gave me today:

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." Washington Irving

Day 30

For some reason I’ve always liked the number 30.  I just seems nice and round.  I am tired and today has been full.  Tomorrow promises to be just as full.  I am glad for the rest I took this weekend and I am setting a goal for myself to finish my homework by Friday afternoon.

Today on NPR I heard about a man who ran a marathon every day for 365 days!  (You can read about the “Marathon Man” Stafaan Engels here.)  My favorite bit from the story: “I will say, look, if I run every day marathon, don’t you have no excuse to say five kilometers run, or biking, or swimming is too far for me?” And, “I will…say to the people: It's possible - make your goal. Go for a goal. Do something special with your life.”

Listening to this man made me feel like a lazy bum.  But it did make me glad I went to Yoga and that I did Yoga twice at home since my last class.  I’m making progress.

Off to bed…the morning comes too soon.

Day 29

I am still overly emotional today. In Psychology the week’s chapter is about stress.  I have been learning a lot about dealing with stress the last couple of years and so I am really glad for this weeks’ chapter.  Lately I’ve been able to catch myself mid-panic and say “Hold on a second!” and reevaluate the situation; if there’s something I can change, I make a change, if I can’t make a change…I breathe and let it go.  I started doing this after my sleep group meetings last year, it is one of the best tips I’ve ever received.  My sleep coach told us that if thoughts pop up while we’re trying to sleep we need to breathe and “put them to bed” realizing that worrying about them all night long will not make us feel better, so I’ve decided to incorporate this into my daily life.

Basically, I’m trying to put into practice the following words:

"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?"
Shantideva, 8th Century Indian Buddhist Scholar

While reading my psychology chapter today, and again in the middle of an emotional moment…I had a faint memory of a comic that I used to read when I lived with my parents, I used to read this comic every morning.  With some searching, I was able to find what I was looking for…

Thoughts on Death

I just ran across this nugget written by Henry David Thoreau and felt like I should share.

Thoreau's Journal: 3-Feb-1859 

Five minutes before 3 P.M., Father died.


[The above sentence (with the date) has a full page to itself in the original Journal]

After a sickness of some two years, going down-town in pleasant weather, doing a little business from time to time, hoeing a little in the garden, etc., Father took to his chamber January 13th and did not come down again. Most of the time previously he had coughed and expectorated a great deal. Latterly he did not cough, but continued to raise. He continued to sit up in his chamber till within a week before he died. He sat up for a little while on the Sunday four days before he died. Generally he was very silent for many months. He was quite conscious to the last, and his death was so easy that we should not have been aware that he was dying, though we were sitting around his bed, if we had not watched very closely. 

I have touched a body which was flexible and warm, yet tenantless,—warmed by what fire? When the spirit that animated some matter has left it, who else, what else, can animate it? 

How enduring are our bodies, after all! The forms of our brothers and sisters, our parents and children and wives, lie still in the hills and field around about us, not to mention those of our remoter ancestors, and the matter which composed the body of our first human father still exists under another name. 

When in sickness the body is emaciated, and the expression of the face in various ways is changed, you perceive unexpected resemblances to other members of the same family; as if within the same family there was a greater similarity in the framework of the face than in its filling up and clothing.
Father first came to this town to live with his father about the end of the last century…

It's interesting to read different people's thoughts on death.  It's something that most of us have had to deal with at one point in our lives.  Not all of us are acclaimed authors like Thoreau, but I believe we each have something unique to say.

Day 28–Week 4

Four weeks already?  Wow.  The first few days dragged, but it feels like time has flown by.  I’ve been busy with getting the house together and with my classes.  I am booked with homework, appointments, trips, etc. from now through July.  I guess that’s a good thing.  Even with only two classes (three if you count yoga) I feel the time crunch because of my mommy obligations.  After a few more weeks of classes I’m sure I’ll get into a better routine.  I love not doing any homework on the weekends.  I will manage all my other time crunches to keep my weekends free.

Little Monster decorated and ate a cupcake today.  He was so excited to get to choose the sprinkles and eat it (all by himself).

Mr. B got most of the day off.  Because Mr. B got the day off we were able to spend some time on Skype.  It was nice to talk to him for a while, we even found a game that we could play together on Skype, so the three of us worked on the puzzle game together while we talked.

Little Monster & I did absolutely nothing for most of the day.  We sat around and watched movies, played video games, and after he went to bed I ended the day with Yoga.  I feel nice and stretched and relaxed.

I was thinking some deep thoughts at some point today and I was going to write about them…but the relaxation at the end of Yoga cleared my mind of all the kinds of thoughts that would keep me up at night (which is why I did Yoga tonight).

And now…I am off to cuddle with the sleeping Little Monster in my bed.  Namaste.

Day 27

Little Monster and I slept in this morning.  I haven’t slept in for quite some time (at least, not my usual “It’s 7:30, I can’t believe I slept past 6!”), but I didn’t wake up until Little Monster came in at 8:30 this morning.  I guess we both needed some extra sleep.

We didn’t do much today.  We played some video games, watched a movie and got a lot more done on the project for my nieces and nephews.  It was nice to just relax.  We spend our weekends just spending time together, it’s when we miss Mr. B the most so we try to have as much fun as possible.

A few days ago we bought the makings for cupcakes and we made those tonight, they’re cooling now.  Tomorrow we’ll frost them and add some sprinkles.

Little Monster keeps asking how many days until his dad comes home.  I keep telling him it’s not for a long time, but he doesn’t seem to understand.  When we made cupcakes he was saying that these were for when daddy came home.  I explained that cupcakes are only good for a few days and daddy wouldn’t be home for quite some time.  I hope it sinks in.  We had a lot of crying tonight.

Tomorrow we’re going to finish our project tomorrow.  It’ll be nice to finally get those sent out.

Day 26

What a difference a day makes.

Today was good.  I finished one of my quizzes and realized I’m not as far behind as I thought I was; apparently I was too tired and emotional when I evaluated my progress yesterday.

Mr. B has a 4-day pass coming up, the dates have already been changed once, and then today he called to tell me that they changed again… but this time it was because he was given the wrong dates.  I am excited to take Little Monster up to see his daddy; he has no idea we’re going and I know it will be a great surprise when he realizes our plan.  I am definitely going to take a lot of pictures…that’s the mini-vacation I mentioned earlier.

I made cookies to send to Mr. B last night and I forgot to ship them today.  I’m glad the Post Office is open on Saturdays or I’d be in trouble.  Little Monster wanted to go with me to mail them off anyway, so it works out okay.

Tomorrow we’re going to work more on our project for my nieces and nephews; Little Monster is so excited.  I need to find something with the project that he can do…sewing isn’t really something easy for a 6 year old.  Maybe I’ll get him a big needle and some yarn and have him sew designs into fabric for me.

Okay…that’s it for today.  I am sleepy.  I have been all week and I’ve been sleeping all night long.  It’s been great!

Day 25

I’m not in a very good mood right now.  I got a lot done today, but I am not caught up after getting so far behind at the beginning of the week.  My house is cleaner, and I am very happy about that, it was getting messy (what I would consider messy anyway) and it was driving me crazy.  So things are picked up and a little more organized again.  I did get more reading done, but I did not get as much done as I wanted to since I decided I needed to clean my house instead.  So, I’m going to stay up a little after finishing this post to finish reading my chapter and going to start my weekly Psychology assignment.

I found my little daisy seedlings today and I hope they’re not completely dead.  Once I get a chance I want to go buy some potting soil and actually plant them.  I hope they’re still okay.  I put them by the sink so that I can remember to water them every day when I do the dishes.

Day 24

It was a day like any other day… so far this week I have been completely unproductive on my school work.  I did finish one assignment today, but I wanted to have it completed Monday.  I need to get a week ahead of schedule because I’m going on a mini-vacation soon and I don’t want to worry about school work while I’m gone.  So, I’m going to work at night, even though I hoped I wouldn’t need to.  But I’ll do what I need to do.

Today I was unproductive because I was struck by a migraine.  I should have known something was wrong when I went to bed at 10 and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off at 7:30.  I’ve been staying up until 11-12 and waking up at 6 every day.  I finally decided I’d break my “no caffeine” streak and made a tasty mocha.  I had some Land-O-Lakes Hazelnut hot chocolate that I made up and then mixed in a tiny bit of my Henry’s Blend Seattle’s Best coffee.  It was super tasty and my head felt a lot better afterwards.

My cell phone service was off for most of the morning.  I guess there were reported outages in my region.  I wasn’t too worried, it made it easier to nap with my headache since I didn’t have my phone notifying me of all the emails and texts as it would have otherwise been.

Today I found out that it looks like I still need one more class to graduate.  This is so disappointing.  It’s weird though, because one of the suggested classes is Public Speaking and I already took that class.  I need to schedule an appointment with an advisor to get this cleared up.  I shouldn’t need to take another Public Speaking class.

I made tacos for dinner tonight and Little Monster exclaimed “Mom, you’re the best chef ever!”  When I mentioned tacos he was so very excited, I imagine it has something to do with that instead of my cooking.  I put some cottage cheese in my own taco, it was super tasty.  My lunch was Clam Chowder in a Sourdough Bread bowl.  I feel like I haven’t had such a good lunch at home in a long time.  Grocery shopping sure helps me eat more healthy.

Little Monster and I bought some Strawberry cake mix and Strawberry frosting to make cupcakes for Valentine’s Day.  It bothers me that there are so few healthy Valentine snacks.  Strawberries are good, but if you make shortcake there is SO much sugar.  So I’ve decided I’m going to try to figure out healthy alternatives.

Tonight Little Monster got a hair cut.  This is the first time he’s held so still and been so fantastic when I was cutting his hair.  It took 10 minutes instead of 30.  I am so proud of him!

Well… Little Monster is watching The Power Puff Girls and I’m going to get some Psychology reading in while I am still cognitive…and that means I’ll get a little further on my knitting too.

I really need to get caught up on my course work so I can get caught up on some personal things.  But I’m still planning to keep this up.  It just means that I may not do a lot of photography or spend much time keeping up with everyone else.  Too much going on!

Day 23

Wow.  I don’t really want to write anything today because I don’t want to be negative.  So, let’s think about the positives.

1) I have a spot on my back that looks like the Hawaiian Islands.  It’s painful, but it is pretty cool looking.  A spider decided it would be fun to chew on my shoulder blade while I was sleeping.  I am glad it is not a burn…that was my first thought when I saw it this morning, but it’s hard to see your shoulder blade.

2) When I ran out of gas this morning Pete was awake and able to come to my rescue and I was still able to make it to class on time.

3) Yoga class was awesome and I can’t wait to go back next week!  The Yoga video I have at home is the same style we’re learning in class, so when I do yoga at home it will mesh well with my class.  When she taught us the sun salutation this morning I remembered that when we went to watch the sunrise on the ocean this year there were several people doing this on the sand.  I would love to go back and do this to the sunrise on the ocean.

4) I bought groceries and remembered to buy snacks.  After dinner when Little Monster & I were watching Mulan we had some tasty (and healthy) snacks.  He thought it was a super cool.

5) Mr B was able to Skype tonight, just long enough for him to send me some videos of what’s happened over the last two weeks.  I’m excited to look through them tomorrow.

Okay… that’s it for tonight.  No pictures today…it was a little crazy.