Monday, May 30, 2011

Incentives & the military

I just watched a documentary about economics. In the segment on Incentives the researchers used an incentive program in an attempt to boost HS GPAs. One kid said that it didn't matter how well he did in school because he could always drop out and join the Military through their GED program.

Does the military help kids drop out of high school with their promises of a GED and paid college tuition? Does this negatively effect the quality of troops?

What are your thoughts?
"Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." - Thoreau

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 136

"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today."
— Thich Nhat Hanh

This is something I’ve been thinking about the last few days and then I ran across that quote this evening and it just seemed to fit. I need to believe that the future will be better because of the difficulties of the present. Historically, I can see this to be true in my own life. For every hard time I’ve gone through I’ve learned a valuable (and unforgettable) lesson. I will not let this be any different.

I could go on and on about why I was depressed and why I’ve had such a problem pulling of it, but that wouldn’t help anyone, least of all me. So thank you to those who’ve stuck by me, thank you to those who’ve been so encouraging, and a special thank you to those who’ve gone the extra mile and made me peek out of my shell. Your friendship is invaluable.

The first change I am going to make is to be better about sleeping. With that, I am going to go to bed now. This will be an hour earlier than any other time this week, so it’s progress.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 131–I have a degree!

As of today I have my Associates Degree, it only took me 11 years, but I did it! I opted not to walk because I wanted my son to watch, but graduation started at 10 am and he’s in school… so I decided not to spend the money on a cap & gown or on gas to get to graduation. BUT this means I have to finish my bachelors so Little Monster can watch me walk.

So now I’m done with Community College and I’m getting ready for University in the fall!

I forgot to include photos from my completed projects yesterday, so here they are:

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Day 130

130 is a good number.

Today is my friends’ birthday. She had a birthday dinner, cake & ice cream at her house to celebrate. Little Monster & I went over. I made her a necklace, and I almost wanted to keep it for myself.

I’m trying to remember if I posted a picture or mentioned that I finally finished the blanket I started 7 years ago! It’s all done and I gave it to my niece. She sat on my lap while I finished casting off. I’ve started two new blankets, one is on hold but I wanted to get the pattern started and I’m concentrating on only one right now and I hope to have it finished before the end of next month (hoping!!!).

This last week I’ve spent doing a lot of organizing at home and I still have a lot to accomplish. I took Sunday-Tuesday off because I was out late for my friend’s birthday Saturday and spent Sunday/Monday recovering sleep (I am too old to be out so late!). Tuesday I had some dental work done and was pretty out of it most of the day.

But yesterday, today, and Saturday I was a busy lady… well, I was productive anyway.

Tomorrow I am planning to finish moving the rest of my things to the house. I know, it’s only taken 4 months, but I’m finally getting it done.

I lost my train of thought and I’m going to go to bed. That is all.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Day 123

Today was a wonderful, lazy day. After taking Little Monster to school I fought the urge to go back to bed and worked on a special project I started last night and got it finished. I totally owned that project (well, after a few “miscalculations”). I feel accomplished. I hadn’t showered, because I usually wait until after I take him to school… and I was being lazy. My friend called and I ended up glad I didn’t shower because we sat out in the back sun bathing for almost an hour. I wish I would have timed my sides. I am very red on the back and a little red on the front. I have serious lines where the bottoms of my swimsuit covered. It looks like I’m still wearing white panties when I’m standing naked.

So, I decided that today I’m going to share something totally embarrassing. I enjoying farting loudly when I’m alone. I don’t know why… maybe it’s because I grew up with so many brothers or maybe it’s because I’ve lived with the guys for the last 9 years. But it makes me giggle. Am I going to regret sharing this later? Maybe.

Okay, I am totally procrastinating a quiz and exam. I have a busy weekend starting tomorrow. So that’s it for today.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Day 120

Roughly 1/3 of the way through this thing. It seems like it should be more like half, but the “return date” windows are always so large until they finally arrive.

I apologize but this post is going to feel totally random and I’ll jump around quite a bit because I have so many thoughts rushing around in my head today.

Mother’s Day was fantastic! I got a special photo Mother’s Day card from Mr. B.
Little Monster wants to give me the world! He made me a country (named after me of course) complete with country and state flags, and a detailed map of my kingdom. He also made me a special card, a paper flower, and… he wrote a story about me: "My mom is wondrfl. She helps me! She pls my splintr out! Majick mom!" My son also wanted to go have sushi for lunch, but he wanted me to give him the money so he could pay for me. He is such a great boy. We ended up having french toast, egg sandwiches, and ice cream. We stayed in our pajamas and played Lego Batman and watched a couple movies. It was a great day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “playful” animosity between the different branches of the military and it quite honestly makes me angry. I have family who is serving or has served in every branch excluding the coast guard. I have family serving in three different branches right now. Each branch has their specific function and I am tired of the attitudes of superiority that are bread through training. Yes, I understand the need to promote camaraderie, but they all serve not just with their fellow Marines, Soldiers, or Airmen, but with the entire US Armed Forces. I think it bothers me most when it comes from my own family. I don’t care if you’re Navy, Air Force, Army, or Marines… you are serving our country and that’s all that should matter. If we can’t have unity in our own country how can we expect to help others create unity in theirs? Stepping down from my soap box…

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Day 115

For the most part I’ve refrained from talking about the President’s announcement early this week. Mostly because his speech, and the news in general, has become the source of a lot of political debate and that debate has caused a lot of division. But it’s something that has been on my mind a lot this week.

I watched the President’s announcement Sunday night. There are no words for the flood of emotions I felt; I cried. I was happy, I was sad, I was shocked, and I was scared. I had to watch the announcement because I couldn’t believe it. Yes, I would have preferred that he had been captured and faced justice but it is unrealistic to think that he would go without a fight. With what I’ve heard about him over the years, I don’t think he would have allowed himself to be taken alive.

Little Monster watched the announcement with me, I knew that he would hear about bin Laden's death, so I talked with him about it before he went to school Monday. He didn't understand why it was so important that this man was dead. I had to explain that he hated Americans and wanted to kill all of us. I explained that a lot of people would be happy that he was dead because he was responsible for many deaths, but that when someone dies it is still sad. When he asked his dad if he could come home, we had to talk further about how there were many more people that worked with and for bin Laden and that his daddy couldn’t come home yet.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My son asked his dad last night: "now that that guy is dead do you get to come home?" It's hard for him to understand why not, even with my best explanation.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Day 112

Life is complicated.

The last week has been a big one for me. I don't know that I could classify it as the most interesting week of my life, but it is definitely up there. So many thoughts are swirling through my head and most of them will never be spoken or written publicly.

I feel excluded, I feel used, I feel betrayed, I feel misunderstood, I feel conflicted, I feel mistrust, I feel guilt, I feel shame, I feel defensive, I feel overly cautious, I feel spite, I feel hate... and from few, I feel loved. There are a lot of changes I want to make in my life, but not the ones people would expect. I am not your puppet. Your expectations will not define my actions, I will not hide who I am. I am me. And maybe I don't like everything I see either, but this is me. I will not be the "perfect" person you want me to be. I will not be flawed the way you think I should be flawed. I will be strong and I will love myself despite my faults. Yes, I will strive to change myself, to better myself... but you don't get to change me or dictate who I should be.

I wonder at how I've changed. I feel myself hardened, but not completely in a good way... when I take a look at myself objectively I wonder, do I really like what I see? Do I really like myself? How do I change? How can I disconnect myself from things that bring me down and how do I find something or someone that won't bring me down? 

How do I rid myself of anger and hate? How do I just let it go? I have been hurt so many times by the people closest to me and it makes me want to never open myself up again. I know I can't do that. But I find myself seizing up and wanting to be a hermit. When the people you're closest to stab you in the back, do you run away? Should I confront the people in my life that have caused me so much pain, or is that pointless? 

I feel lost. Without Mr B close I feel so alone. I feel like I've spent so much time learning to be partners that it is hard for me to act alone. I always wonder what he would say. 

I know he'd tell me not to be so cynical. I know he'd tell me not to close my heart. I don't really want to be alone, I just don't want to be continually hurt and taken advantage of. I want to be loved for who I am, faults and all, without expectation. Sometimes I think this would be more easily accomplished if I was just honest with myself. Am I really honest with myself? 

I know this may sound jumbled, but I'm just writing my thoughts as they spill out. I need to get some of them out.

This is perhaps a bit depressing, but I won't hide myself anymore. Take me as I am or leave me alone.