Day 99

I’m trying to start getting things ready for Father’s Day. I know, I know, it’s only the end of April…but if I don’t start now I won’t get anything done!

Today I was thinking that despite how old I feel, 28 is still pretty young. I was thinking a lot of thoughts that I should probably not have been thinking. But I’m the type of person that likes to be prepared for anything, so I always try to make an action plan for any given situation. This is probably the reason why I don’t get as much accomplished as I would like to.

Little Monster was in such a crazy mood today. When I picked him up from school he was SO moody. But I had to make a stop and buy a couple things before we went home. By the time we got home he was having a really hard time, so I fixed an early dinner. As soon as he started eating he perked up. I think today must have been one of those days that he spent more time talking and playing than eating his lunch. I made him a “double” cheeseburger with BBQ sauce. When he took a bit he told me how amazing it was and how he never wanted to go to McDonalds again, but to go home for a double cheeseburger just like this one. With every bite he took he said something new about how it was the best burger he’s ever had. I think he was definitely hungry because I didn’t do anything special when I made the burgers today. It did make me feel good that he likes the way I make them.

I am going to introduce him to BLTs tomorrow. What kind of a mother am I that I haven’t introduced him before now? I’m going to try and cook the bacon on my little George Forman grill and see if that works. I HATE cooking bacon.

Well…I need to get busy on my homework, it’s not going to do itself.

Day 98

Wow. The year is going by so quickly… I wouldn’t have believed it was so far if I didn’t have excel keeping track for me.

I’ve had a lot on my mind the last couple of days. I keep going back to the quote: ‎"Try not to take things personally, what people often say is a reflection of them and not you."

Yesterday I had a good time with some of my fantastic friends; the first of many outings to keep me from being a hermit. It was also the first time that I can remember not having an anxiety attack before going out. This is such a milestone for me! And, if you decide to laugh at me for that being such a big deal, I don’t mind. I laugh at myself frequently. (As James Thurber said: “The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.”)

My son & I have both spent the last two days outdoors…it’s been wonderful! Except the allergies. I spent all day working on the yard just so I could soak up the sun. I am glad that I’ve been busy the last couple of days. It’s made me feel a lot better emotionally.

After all of our going abouts today we watched a movie, during the previews we had the following conversation:

‎"Mom, we should buy 'Enchanted.'" "Why? You said you didn't like that movie, made me stop it half way through, and told me you never wanted to watch it ever again." "I think I'm old enough to understand it now."

It was hard for my not to laugh at his matter-of-fact statement: “I think I’m old enough to understand it now.”

Today was the second day in a row that I was able to talk to Mr. B. We decided we’ll go to Mt. Rushmore during his R&R because we wanted to camp and Little Monster has been begging to go there.

I have recently gotten into couponing. The rest of my evening will be spent watching “Army Wives” and inputting all my coupon/sale flyer information into the computer so that when I meet up with my friend on Tuesday to help her with her spreadsheet we can get a whole database going. My computer class, if nothing else, has helped me appreciate Microsoft Access.

Day 92

My mom sent me an e-mail this morning explaining that there are 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays this coming July…that’s a whole-lot-a weekend!

It is pretty exciting that the 4th falls on a Monday, creating a 3-day weekend. For me that’s not such a big deal, but some anyone working can appreciate this.

 

Today has been such an up and down day. I’m good, moving right along and then BAM totally emotional and in tears. Now that we can’t talk very often it’s a lot harder. For me, and for Little Monster (and I imagine for Mr. B as well?).

 

I sent off two packages to Mr. B and I am very excited about the contents, I am anticipating a fun response from them.

I realized some things today, partly with the help of my fantastically amazing friends…I am having a hard time balancing my emotions and how to approach Mr. B being gone. I know, I know it’s been a full 3 months… I feel like I should have gotten a routine going by now. But the problem I’m running into is with how to include Mr. B as part of our every day lives without us being consumed by his absence (or making it more difficult for him). Little Monster wrote his first letter (sent in package) and I am hoping that Mr. B will soon send one back to him. I am also trying to balance keeping busy and spending time with Little Monster. I’m sure there is a balance there somewhere.

In an effort not to be a total downer…

Day 86

Little Monster had a sleep over this weekend. I had 20 hours to myself and I didn’t know what to do. I ended up watching t.v. for several hours and painted my toe nails. It was hard being alone.

I used to crave time alone. I spent most of Sunday wondering what was wrong with me but I realized that I miss my husband and nothing will change that. However, I don’t get to stop living just because he’s not here. Life keeps moving on, for all of us. I have to keep moving so that that when he gets home I’ll be ready for him. I’ll be ready to get to know him again. I will keep working on my degree and I am in the process of getting a part time job. Little Monster will be playing soccer at the end of the summer and he is so excited.

Saturday we were both in bed by 9:30 and slept in Sunday morning. It was amazing!

My homework has kept me pretty busy since the weekend. I’ve been learning Microsoft Access and I ended up having to redo my project several times because I couldn’t figure out where I was making a mistake. Once I finally understood what I needed to do I completed the project in less than an hour. I am glad to have that completed. I am going to keep working with Excel and Access as much as I can to keep my skills sharp. I wish I had taken classes that focused specifically on each of those software. Maybe I’ll do that as “extra” when I transfer to the University (not like I need any more elective classes).

Today was a wonderful day. I didn’t get enough sleep because I stayed up trying to figure out what was wrong with my project, but I was able to talk to Mr. B first thing this morning. It was only via Facebook chat, but I’ll take what I can get. He was excited that my job interview Monday went so well and that I’d be going back to work so that we can have some savings when he gets home. I followed that with some wonderful music on my drive into town (thanks to Pandora), and a good Yoga session. After Yoga my friend spotted me grabbing a snack and we had a short chat. It was good to see her randomly like that, we’ve never done that before.