Day #3, #4, #5

With the news about my grandfather I haven't done much towards the Resolution Project.
The extent of my participation has been limited to meditation/relaxation.

Today I spent most of my lunch hour journaling.
It occurred to me that I have limited experiences with death. My grandparents (on dad's side) when I was young, my uncle when I was in my teens. That's it.

Last Saturday I was listening to NPR; they were talking about death. The commentator was telling his story and how he was dealing with death. It seems most people have difficulty figuring out how to deal with someone passing.
Yesterday I started watching the first season of "Dead Like Me" yesterday, which was a different perspective.

I'm not quite sure what I believe happens when someone dies, but that's not really important to me. I mean, when they're dead they're dead--nothing can change that. But it's those left behind.

When I called my mom this evening she told me that the hospital was working on moving Papa to a bigger bed so that Granny could stay with him. I can't imagine how she must feel right now. My grandparents' 70th anniversary is on Monday. She knows he's ready to go, but her heart must ache. I remember watching 'Up' and weeping at the beginning, not crying, but weeping. When I finally had Mr. B watch it last week, he reacted the same way.

Mr. B & I made a plan when we first got married that when we got old we would die together in his sleep. He'd be driving us somewhere and fall asleep and then we'd run off the road and die together. It sounds horrible, but I'd rather we went together than to have to live without each other. We've actually had quite a few conversations about how to accomplish this together. Morbid, but you have to plan ahead. But this pact is only valid when we get old. If one of us die before we're old the other is stuck. We joke, but it's how we deal with hard situations like this. I remember my parents used to joke about who the other would marry when the other died (usually celebrities).

An old man recently said that after years of marriage the passion dies down, but that the passion is replaced by a love and a need for the other person that keeps you together. I'd like to think though that it's not just a need, but a desire. I'd like to think that it's not just a fear of being alone, but because you have excelled at being married. After all, the dictionary definition of 'married' states that to be married is to be "interconnected or joined; united" (check the Thesaurus).

I feel like this entry and my last entry were disjointed.
I apologize. It's late and I don't sleep well.
And with that... I'm off to sleep.