7 Months In

Maybe this is strange, but this apartment finally feels like home.

I know, it's been 7 months.
I'm not sure if what I think the reason is happens to be the correct one. Last week I sold a lot of our furniture via Craigslist and now we have a lot more room! I think getting rid of some of the furniture and opening up the living room helped make it more inviting to me. I'm claustrophobic. I hate clutter. It makes me uncomfortable.

So I made cookies today... and did some more cleaning/organizing. Little Monster had a snow day today (it is our first big snow storm of the season) so he helped me clean up and then helped me put up the tree. I also spent a good amount of time digging Mr. B's car out from under the snow. I'm so glad I bought that shovel last winter!

(8 1/2" since Sunday @ 10 am)

(cookies!)

(getting ready to decorate)

Today I just heard (re-heard I guess) the song 'Colorblind' by Counting Crows:

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine

I decided to look up the meaning behind the song.  Everyone seems to agree that it's about feeling vulnerable about who you really are. "This song is about the extremes that exist within us ('Coffee black and egg white'), our unwillingness to reveal them ('Taffy stuck and tongue tied, stutter shook and uptight'), the defenses we put up to keep people from seeing our true natures ('I am covered in skin, no one gets to come in'), and the terrifying bliss when we let our defenses down to someone we love ('Pull me out from inside, I am ready, I am fine'). Colorblind is the state in which we are no longer judging our inner feelings." (taken from Song Facts)

This is definitely a feeling that comes up in relationships. Do you really want the other person to know everything about you? Do you really want to open up all parts of yourself? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that the other person will not accept you as you are? Are you afraid that once those parts of you are out in the open you would cease to exist?

It just occurs to me that I've been up since 6am. Maybe that's why I'm tired?

How was your day?