Day 120

Roughly 1/3 of the way through this thing. It seems like it should be more like half, but the “return date” windows are always so large until they finally arrive.

I apologize but this post is going to feel totally random and I’ll jump around quite a bit because I have so many thoughts rushing around in my head today.

Mother’s Day was fantastic! I got a special photo Mother’s Day card from Mr. B.
Little Monster wants to give me the world! He made me a country (named after me of course) complete with country and state flags, and a detailed map of my kingdom. He also made me a special card, a paper flower, and… he wrote a story about me: "My mom is wondrfl. She helps me! She pls my splintr out! Majick mom!" My son also wanted to go have sushi for lunch, but he wanted me to give him the money so he could pay for me. He is such a great boy. We ended up having french toast, egg sandwiches, and ice cream. We stayed in our pajamas and played Lego Batman and watched a couple movies. It was a great day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “playful” animosity between the different branches of the military and it quite honestly makes me angry. I have family who is serving or has served in every branch excluding the coast guard. I have family serving in three different branches right now. Each branch has their specific function and I am tired of the attitudes of superiority that are bread through training. Yes, I understand the need to promote camaraderie, but they all serve not just with their fellow Marines, Soldiers, or Airmen, but with the entire US Armed Forces. I think it bothers me most when it comes from my own family. I don’t care if you’re Navy, Air Force, Army, or Marines… you are serving our country and that’s all that should matter. If we can’t have unity in our own country how can we expect to help others create unity in theirs? Stepping down from my soap box…

Little Monster asked to go to Boys & Girls Club every day after school, but he decided that he didn’t want to be away from me that much so he asked not to go every day. It was very sweet. I am still trying to get a job, so I know he’ll be a bit upset when I tell him that he may still have to go a couple days every week so I can work.

Today I decided that I am impatient for this long distance thing to be over. Time zones and internationally call/messaging rates are ridiculous. Well, that and I’d really like to cuddle up next to my hubby again.

A thought I had while cleaning… “Confidence: if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else believe in you?”

Another thought… I clean when I’m happy. I clean when I’m sad. I clean when I’m angry. I clean to avoid homework. I do not clean when I’m depressed. So now that I realize this my goal is that whenever I see my house getting unusually messy I’ll seek out ways to snap me out of my depression. I will clarify: there is a big difference between “dirty” and “messy.” Dirty is stinky, moldy, spoiled, crumby, or wet. Messy is clutter, disorder. In my kitchen there were dishes all over the counter and the sink, but they were all rinsed and free of food residue so as not to produce an odor; I just never took the extra step to put them in the dishwasher or run the dishwasher. My floors were swept and I spot vacuumed, but there were paper giblets from Austin’s projects, small pieces of yarn (that he wanted to play with); but I didn’t completely vacuum the carpet or mop the linoleum. The bathroom sink was all cleaned up after Austin brushing, the toilet and floor wiped after his misses, the floor swept… but the regular “dust” was still there. Laundry was washed, but not folded or organized. Papers were spread all over; if in piles, there were multiple piles on all surfaces. So this is what I mean by “messy” not “dirty.” Messy is unsightly, dirty is unhealthy. Though to me, messy is unhealthy mentally. So I am proud to say that aside from mopping the kitchen floor, my living room and dining room/kitchen are all clean. I do still need to wipe off the blinds and baseboards. Tomorrow I’m hoping to get some of that clean laundry folded.

I was going to go to bed early… I guess it’s still early compared to my “normal” bed time as of late (12:30 – 1:30 am). And with that… to bed.