One small step...

Two things as I go to sleep:

1) Neil Armstrong died today. I am glad he was able to watch the landing of the Curiosity rover before he passed. After watching what was shown of the Curiosity landing and watching the Armstrong/Aldrin footage, I can only imagine how amazing it would have been to witness the moon landing.

2) I accomplished one of my running goals this morning and ran 4 miles in 47 minutes. That was longest run in duration and distance. Now to work on 3 miles in 27 minutes (9 min/miles)...

Pushing on…

Comfortable is not how I would have described my legs at any point today.

Monday I ran my time/pace (half distance). Tuesday I ran my time/pace (full distance). Thursday I track trained for pace (with some sprinting and surging as well). This morning I went for an intense vertical hike. Tomorrow is resting/yoga day.

I am excited for Yoga in the park tomorrow morning with my favorite yogi. Yoga is awesome, but I am super excited to finally get to spend some time with her. It has been too long.

Time for bed and I am uncomfortable, but in the good kind of way. I love that I can run 2 miles at a 10 min./mile pace. My next goal is to run 3 miles at a 9 min./mile pace or to even run 4 miles continuously.

This week was pretty intense physically and emotionally, but I did get to sneak in some extra time with the hubby… so I’m a happy lady.

Life right now is still a waiting game, but I am keeping myself occupied and training in the mean-time.

Giving up on being perfect…

Lately I’ve wondered if I censor myself too much. I have caught glimpses of impressions people have of me and thoughts they think of me and I don’t know how to react. Many experiences in my past have resulted in me attempting to portray the persona of perfection. Whole groups of people that I thought were my friends have betrayed me and left me questioning what I did wrong. Social psychology just tells me that there were some in-group expectations that were never communicated to me and that when I deviated from their expectations they shut me out. Those experiences (and a few others) have made me expect perfection from myself in order to prevent those kind of situations from ever happening again.

But have I instead begun to alienate everyone else by trying to be so perfect?

The thing is that I’m not trying to be better than anyone else. I’m trying to be… shit… “better than me” is the first thought that came to mind.

What you don’t see is the several moments of contemplation following that revelation. You don’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. You don’t hear my inner voice telling me to put my shoes on and go for a run and forget that the thought ever presented itself.

 

Away I go with the intention of further contemplation of what I’ve just discovered… where has your journey led you lately?

I am finally running more consistently. Saturday I ran without stopping for longer than I ever have before. Monday night I ran even farther at once. Today I went further still. Prior to Saturday most of my running was solo and it was a run/walk mixture that I had found online which didn’t seem to be working… and then I started running with an accomplished runner who has been helping me figure out my pace and pushing me to push myself. She is amazing, I value her insight and appreciate the time she is giving me.

A lot of good things are going on. I believe that things have been looking better primarily because I’ve had a lot of down time to work on my attitudes towards things, my attitudes towards people, and my attitudes towards myself. I’m having to cut out some things, cut out some people because I’ve decided that if I want to keep moving towards my goal I need to fill myself and surround myself with positive attitudes and people.

This doesn’t feel finished to me, but it’s time for me to go…

My morning jam: