The right kind of thoughts.

Growth

“Whenever we make our happiness conditional on something else (I can be happy when I am in a relationship, when I have more money in the bank, when I lose 20 pounds…), we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to be happy and enjoy life right now!” – Jonathan Manske & Mattison Grey

This morning I went running with a friend. Instead of saying to myself “I just ran!” I said, “I didn’t run as much as I thought I should.” It took me from feeling good because I ran to feel bad because I didn’t do enough.

The above quote is from a book I have been reading about how to inspire other people by taking judgmental statements out of speech. That particular quote is from the chapter all about removing self-judgment from our inner-dialogue.

I am one of the most self-critical people I know. I am sensitive. You look at me funny and instead of thinking you might be squinting because the sun is shining in your eyes I think that you are inwardly judging me. Why? Because I am judging myself.

Since classes ended I have done nothing but self-criticize and think about how happy I’ll be once ___ happens. I don’t know what started the cycle, but I started to doubt myself. Doubt my motives. Doubt my ability. Doubt my intentions.

Will I be happy when I finally can run as for as fast as I think I should? No. I will be happy when I realize that I am good enough, just the way I am. I need to stop comparing myself to the crazy idea of “normal” that I have lodged in my brain and start comparing myself to me. No one else is me, I cannot be anyone else. I am perfectly me, just the way I am.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Seuss

 

So, on my quest to learn how to motivate and inspire other people to do and be their best I have discovered some things about myself. As long as I’m living I’m growing and learning.

Transition

…right now I am waiting. Waiting for the next phase in my life to begin. The semester ended and I made decent grades (yes, I am an overachiever but I also understand that considering all the pressures I felt this semester I did well) and now the waiting begins.

Waiting doesn’t mean sitting and doing nothing. I am going to take this time for relaxation and self-care. Upon finishing this post I am going to do some core, arm, and leg work-outs and tomorrow morning I will begin running with my friend. We hope to make our runs a regular occurrence and I plan to make my work-outs a twice daily event. The physical side of things is the easier of the two, I am finding it difficult to relax mentally.

I also need to get busy packing. Part of all of the change occurring this summer includes a move to a nearby city with a better school system and more employment opportunities for Mr. B. He has only been able to find temporary work since he came home, we live week to week not really knowing if he will be working the following week. This is another reason I need to take some time for self-care. Between school and uncertainty about how we are going to pay the bills I have experienced a lot of stress lately, enough that I find it difficult to talk to some of my closest friends. The hermit in me wants to suffer all the stress alone. So I put on a brave face and keep moving forward. I will be positive not because I feel positive, but because being positive makes me feel positive and that makes me feel better.

Everything will be okay. It always is.

Where I stand…

Blaming homosexuals for "destroying the institution of marriage" is as ridiculous as the Nazis blaming the Jews for destroying their economy. (And let us not forget that the Nazis targeted homosexuals as well.)

People are looking for someone to blame and instead of addressing the actual problem they look for scapegoats. Homosexuality did not ruin the institution of marriage. If you want someone to blame blame anyone who got married without being fully committed to the other person, blame anyone who got married because it was popular, because they wanted the ring, because they wanted a wedding, because they wanted money, because they wanted status, because they wanted attention or because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Also… about homosexual parenting: If two people who love each other and are committed to each other want to adopt a child, love that child, care for that child… who the hell should have the right to tell them they shouldn’t? That’s one less child sitting in an orphanage waiting for someone to love them. That’s one more child that will grow up in a loving and caring environment. A child growing up living with two parents is a step up from what a lot of children have right now.

 

In summary: homosexual people are no different than heterosexual people; why don’t we all have the same rights? Our country is not a religious institution and our laws should not discriminate on the basis of religion, gender, age, race, sexual orientation, disabilities, etc..

One more thing…

(I just love Columbo, don’t you?)

…the other night I had a dream that my husband & I were at a really fancy party. Maybe it was after he became Governor, maybe after I won my Nobel Prize, I don’t know. We were at this party and someone asked us “what about physics enhanced your marriage?” My husband and I replied simultaneously “neutrinos.”  A while later in the dream I professed my personal theory about neutrinos.  The dream stopped at that point because I began really laughing and it caused me to wake from the dream.

I told my husband and that evening he said “all my neutrinos are attracted to all your neutrinos.”

Nerd love.

Cleaning up…

The semester is almost over. Two finals and then I’m done with this semester. Two finals before I take the next step to meet my goal.

I am giving up caffeine.

I am reaffirming my goal to not eat sugary junky food.

I am giving up fast food.

I am cleaning my house and purging a whole lot of “stuff” that I really don’t need.

I am exercising and going to continue to listen to my body and get in shape.

I am going to rid myself of anxious thoughts, bitterness, and negativity.

I am cleaning up my body, cleaning my home, and cleaning my mind.

Breathe.